apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
