Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
