Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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