I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
