She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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