why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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