Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize
