she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
