Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and she was petting her beer can
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
