The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize