i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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