Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
