I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
