White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
NoShamevember. You game?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
