I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My feet surprised me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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