We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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