dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
