so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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