he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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