I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
