She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you had me at cake vodka
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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