Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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