I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
