We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
