Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
