i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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