mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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