K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
