so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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