when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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