Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
