New invention idea: vibrating tampons
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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