Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
