I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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