it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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