Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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