There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize