So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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