She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
