I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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