They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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