Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize