God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
