I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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