You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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