hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
