If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
