Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
