well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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