Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just found puke in my bra..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize