I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
