drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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