where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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