he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
