I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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