fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So much rum. So many feels.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
