I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
