Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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