I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
