I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
