it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
