I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize