Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
