She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
