i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was confusing and full of hummus
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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