i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
